1. Italian
Even when bathing in a fountain, a romance language is a romance language.
Famous tongues: Monica Bellucci, Alessandro Del Piero
Raw, unfiltered and as grabby to ears as its president is to rears, the Italian accent is a vowelgasm that reflects the spectrum of Italic experience: the fire of its bellicose beginnings … the romance of the Renaissance … the dysfunction of anything resembling a government since Caesar. Insatiable, predatory and possessive, this is sex as a second language.
Sounds like: A Ferrari saxophone
2. French
Even when they pout it sounds good.
Famous tongues: Sophie Marceau, Jean Reno
The demotion of this perennial prizewinner of global brogues to second place may illustrate the declining sexuality of Old World petulance. Still, the come-hither condescension and fiery disinterest of the French tongue remains paradoxically erotic.
Sounds like: A 30-year-old teenager
3. Spanish
"¿Número tres? ¿Qué clase de idiota eres?" Ah, no one rejects us so hotly.
Famous tongues: Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz
Sensual and beckoning, but with the passion to unleash hell kept just barely restrained, Castilian is like a dialectic Hoover Dam. But then there’s the lisp. Tender, vulnerable and cute as a baby’s hangnail -- no one owns the “th” sound formed by tongue and teeth like those who speak the language of Cervantes.
Sounds Like: An outboard motor on Lake Paella
4. Czech
Smoky eyes? Czech. Intrguing history? Czech. Meat-flavored accent? Czech.
Famous tongues: Petra Nemcova, JaromÃr Jágr
Like Russian, without the nettlesome history of brutal, iron-fisted despotism, Czech is a smoky, full-bodied vocal style that goes well with most meats. Murky and mysterious, the Bohemian tone is equal parts carnal desire and carnival roustabout.
Sounds like: Count Dracula, secret agent
5. Nigerian
Some Nigerians are actually worth giving your bank account information to.
Famous tongues: King Sunny Adé, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde
Dignified, with just a hint of willful naiveté, the deep, rich “oh’s” and “eh’s” of Naija bend the English language without breaking it, arousing tremors in places other languages can’t reach. Kinda makes the occasional phone scam worth the swindle.
Sounds like: The THX intro with teeth
6. Irish
Just lay off the leprechaun jokes and you'll be fine.
Famous tongues: Colin Farrell, Andrea Corr
Valued slightly more in men than in women, the Irish brogue is a lilting, lyrical articulation that’s charming, if not exotic. Fluid and uplifting, it can swing from vulnerable to threatening over the course of a sentence, restoring your faith in the world again … right before it stabs you with a broken bottle top.
Sounds like: A marauding pixie
7. Oxford British
"Down to your last pair of socks then, what?"
Famous tongues: Hugh Laurie, Sienna Miller
Authoritative. Upright. Erudite. Scholarly. Few accents promise the upward nobility of the Queen’s English. It’s a take on the language that sets hearts devoted to James Bond and Hermione Granger aflutter. And, should the speaker fail to slake your most wanton desires, eh, at least you’ll learn something.
Sounds like: A crisply ironed shirt playing a harp
8. U.S. Southern
Y'all, we love it when y'all call us y'all. Especially when y'all are wearing orange chaps.
Famous tongues: Matthew McConaughy, Britney Spears
There’s nothing sexy about being in a hurry, and you could clock the growth rate of grass with the honeyed drawl -- less Tea Party, more “True Blood” -- of a Southern beau or belle.
Sounds like: Molasses taking a smoking break
9. Brazilian Portuguese
She screams, she scores!
Famous tongues: Alice Braga, Anderson Silva
Perhaps owing to its freedom from French influence, the Brazilian Portuguese accent has a more colorful, puerile flair than its coarser European counterpart. The resulting yowl of drawn-out vowels reveals a flirty freedom of spirit that sounds like a permanent vacation.
Sounds like: The near, then far, then near again hum of a low-wattage vacuum cleaner that runs on dance sweat
10. Trinidadian
If their accents don't seduce you, their mon boobs will.
Famous tongues: Nikki Minaj, Billy Ocean
For fetishists of oddball sexuality, the Caribbean island of Trinidad offers an undulating, melodic gumbo of pan-African, French, Spanish, Creole and Hindi dialects that, when adapted for English, is sex on a pogo stick.
Sounds like: A rubber life raft bobbing on a sea of steel drums
Curled from CNNGO.
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